Managing Expectations Is Becoming Increasingly More Difficult And It's High Time We Talked About It

I have never been the best at managing my expectations. As a first-generation American, I've always felt the need to make my family proud. To prove to them that all of their sacrifices are appreciated and honored. More often than not, I hold myself to such a high standard that I consistently feel as though I am failing. While this began far before the COVID-19 pandemic, over the past few months, it's become progressively worse. And a lot of people my age seem to feel the same way. In an attempt to pinpoint the start of my anxiety around success and failure, I discovered three conspicuous culprits, virtual entertainment media, America's capitalist society, and of course, social media.

A disturbing amount of movies and tv shows targeted towards teens and young adults portray the same idealized version of life events. An individual who gains acceptance to an ivy league school and after graduating, but often before, manages to land their dream job. As a real human woman, I know this timeline is not realistic for most people out there. Some people make it through college without figuring out definitively what they want to do with their lives. And even if they know, it is often difficult to find employment after graduating. However, after absorbing all the media that normalizes this idealized path, it's hard not to feel like a failure when your life doesn't pan out the same way.

If there was a picture under the definition of capitalism in the dictionary, I believe it would be of America. In America, money is power, and it often translates to immunity from a large number of things. And we are told, from the moment we begin our education, a career is the best way to make money. From a ridiculously young age, we are encouraged to choose a career path. As we get older, the pressure to cultivate a successful career only rises. Conditioning convinces us that success in life directly correlates with success in your career. Personally, this created an incredible amount of stress in my life. Not having a specific career path mapped out made me feel like I was a failure.

Last but not least, there are social media platforms. Off the top of my head, I can think of a handful of "social media influencers" who have achieved fame and a considerable amount of money with little to no effort. Not to say there aren't individuals who have amassed a significant following through their talent, because there are, but there are plenty of people who haven't. Social media has created a new path where individuals seem to be skipping ahead to financial stability without experiencing the backbreaking years of working your way up the workforce. It's hard not to be a little bitter when you're struggling to balance your finances while a 16-year-old white girl makes almost $50,000 per mediocre Tik-Tok dance.

And on top of all of that, now we have to navigate a global pandemic. Many people who had achieved their current goals, whether it be a job, an apartment, or furthering their education, feel as though they've catapulted back to square one. I am certainly one of those people. After reflecting on all of this, I've come to three conclusions that are making things a lot easier. Firstly control is an illusion. In this life, there are so few things we can control. Losing my job due to COVID-19 was not something I brought on myself. It was something that was entirely out of my control. Secondly, I'm reminding myself to create my definition of success. For now, success looks like me waking up before noon, taking a shower, and doing one productive thing with my day. But I know that will eventually change. And lastly, I'm doing my best to forgive myself. I forgive myself for expecting too much of myself. I forgive myself for struggling with my expectations for my life. I wanted to share these thoughts and revelations to create a dialogue among young people. Why are we holding ourselves to such high standards? Why aren't we talking about these things more openly without the use of self-deprecating humor? Perhaps people don't feel comfortable honestly sharing their flaws in a society that encourages striving for perfection. Whatever it is, if you're reading this and you sometimes feel like you're failing, know that you aren't alone. Remember that setbacks are not failures. Do your best to forgive yourself. And try to do something every day that brings you joy.